Putting on My Big Girl Panties

I'm done letting my frightened inner child call the shots in my business and life.

I recently realized that I’ve been treating pretty much all aspects of my business in less-than-professional ways.

How so?

Well, some very recent and glaring examples are…

1. The other day I was having a cozy cuddle with my sweetheart and, instead of getting up and getting to work as I’d planner, I chose to snuggle up closer against him warm body, letting myself fall back asleep for TWO MORE HOURS.

2. I’m wanting to redo my Self-Care Guide for Autumn but have been feeling stuck about what was next. So, instead of journaling about it or going out to garden, letting nature speak through the work, I wander around Facebook for over an hour until it was time for a client call and the guide got put aside again.

3. And let us never, not for one second, forget about my dear old friend ADHD and “The Problem of Having Too Many Tabs Open”. I am, by any standards, a distractible creature. Yes, I’m also creative and caring, curious and solutions focused… But I am also, always, distractible.

And ya know what?

That isn’t how I behave when I’m at my ‘day job’.

So why the hell is it that I’m behaving that way with Grace & Magic, my heart and soul ‘job’?!?

Ok, so yeah, part of it is simply because I can. I mean, here I am, sitting at my desk, in my home office, alone with no clock to punch or others to disappoint if I slack off….

Sure, I can admit to this human slacking thing…

BUT, after some prayer and journaling, it became clear that it wasn’t actually, really, truly because I was merely slacking off.

The problem is I’m failing on purpose.

Really, I am failing on purpose…

...because I’m scared.

How patently uncreative of me – to be afraid to fail and so I refuse to really try.

Not cool, Kate.

Not cool.

I am ready to say Thank You to my fear of failing and step into my fullness.

I am ready to share my gifts with others, cheering and nudging others to face their own fears.

I am ready to help other women discern and uncover their gifts, to face down their fears, and to fly their own amazing freak flags.

I am ready to take control away from my frightened inner child. I am the adult here and I’m ready to be in charge and responsible for our future. It is time to prove through action and deed (not through the vagaries of mere planning and words: to my beloved inner child that we are safe to step up, safe to give a dream our all, and safe to fail – because my worth has never been contingent on my ‘success’.

And you know what?

Your worth is not contingent on your ‘success’ either.

I promise.

So, I’m made the following commitment to myselves:

To sit my butt down in my adorable vintage inspired wooden desk chair every workday at 9:00 am. Promptly.

Every workday.

No matter what my butt goes in my chair and I get to work. (ok, migraines might end up mattering, but otherwise my commitment stands).

My office hours are 9:00 am to Noon.

It says so in the contract my first VA client signed.

So, at my desk from nine-to-nine I am committing to being.

My thought is to add one new commitment to myself at the beginning of each month. To try them on so to speak, seeking that which best serves my higher purpose. Some I will end up keeping for the long haul. Some will, I imagine, be released on day 31. Regardless, trying new ways of serving is the key here. To commit to myself, especially to my precious wounded inner child, to not give up on us – to keep experimenting for our highest good.

Please, wish me/us luck!

And, please, offer me grace while I fall short of my goals.

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